I’m going to start this entry by saying that I am aware that insomnia and mental illness will have an effect on what is being perceived.
I live in Brighton. Now for all those who know Brighton, but don't live here, will know the tourist side of it. The Pier, The Beach, the vibrant nightlife, the art scene and the, decidenace of it all. The side I wish to disclose in this letter is the other side.
I’ve lived in Brighton for a little over two years and if you know where to look you will see a side of Brighton that is utterly different and utterly incomprehensible. I would say that my discovery of this particular sided of Brighton occurred a little over a year ago, On a particular night where insomnia had inraptured my mind and kept me awake. Now as I said at the beginning, I am aware of the effect sleep deprivation can have on a mind and how it can cause hallucinations, yet these Entities that exist are not hallucinations. The best way to describe their presence is that they are superimposed, it's quite shocking what people are willing to ignore if they don't understand it. Think of it like how the homeless are viewed. You can walk down a street and pass one, five, ten even, some may ask you for change but the moment they are out of your sight they are forgotten. Much is the same for these entities.
The first place I truly noticed them was in a place the locals refer to as The South Lanes. The ally’s that make up The South Lanes are made of cobblestone and when you enter its like entering a different world. One of the many entrances to this place is an imperceptible ally on North Street. The whole area is bustling with people, shops, pubs, restaurants, sometimes it is so cramped that it is hard to move. BUT, what these people fail to see when the shutters are down and the lights in the restaurants go out and everybody has gone home or to different parts of the town to seek their thrills is the things that wait behind after they have left.
It was a Tuesday I think, when the insomnia dug its claws into my mind, and I found myself walking. I wasn't entirely sure where I was walking. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw it, lurking in the shadows. It was only a glimpse and my sleep deprived brain did what a sleep deprived brain does. It rationalised it. Its was probably nothing. It turns out now I was wrong. Days later i found that i was having dreams, when I managed to slip into the inky black void of sleep, about this Thing that I saw in the corner of my eye. It was always, Always there. I spoke to my partner about it and she said Its probably just dreams, You know how these things are. You with your mind. ‘Yeah’ I said ‘It’s probably nothing’
Two weeks later, another bout of insomnia. I read somewhere online that walking helped. At least in part. I found myself back at the entrance to The South Lanes. The entrance to a different world. I don’t know what I expected. There was a hand. Just there on the floor, lit by an incandescent pool of light surrounded by total darkness. Well if you have ever been to Brighton you will know how hard it is to find a pool of darkness. But there it was. The hand wasn’t severed but it wasn't attached. It was just there. I walked over to it, touched it, felt it, it was real. I didn't recognise the hand. The I saw it again out of the corner of my eye like a shadow. I still couldn’t give you an accurate description of it. All I can say was that it was roughly humanoid. I want to put it on record that at the time I had not imbibed in any illicit substances. I also had been off my meds. But they were for Depression and Anxiety, not Psychosis or Hallucinations. And while my imagination is vivid and glorious its not one to play tricks. I ignored it again. Brushed the whole situation off like it was nothing important. I think that's the most shocking thing when I look back at the whole situation, is that the hand should have been seen as something more important. But it wasn’t.
I found myself walking past the drunks and the homeless and there out of the corner of my eye. There it was. That vague humanoid figure. I went home. The time must have been four, five am and I passed out on my landing. My partner came looking for me in the morning. They found me and woke me up asking where I had been? I told them not to worry, I had just been for a walk. I didn't tell them about the hand and I didnt tell her about the thing out of the corner of my eye. Then the dreams became more vivid. Dreams of carnage, dreams of desolation and always, Always there was that vaguely humanoid figure. I started to refer to it as The Shadow Being. I couldn't tell if it was a man, woman or child but it was always there. To be honest with you I saw that thing more than I saw my own shadow.
One day I was walking, again, I returned to the entrance of that different world, The South Lanes. This time instead of walking past or walking up to the entrance I walked in and let the darkness consume me. Only then did it approach me. It didn't speak as it had no mouth. It didn’t feel like anything, so insubstantial but it was in front of me and it communicated somehow. I followed it, even further into the darkness. It used no words and yet somehow I understood it perfectly when it asked me if I wanted to leave. Most people would have left, left the place they were in and left the desolation that was to come. But to me. I cried because it showed me everything and nothing. It showed me the emptiness of everything and how I was empty.
I want to clarify that this is not a prophecy of Armageddon, this is just the facts as they have been shown to me. Then it asked me if I would like to die, If i would like to escape this mortal coil, this endless repetition of being awake and then asleep. I asked it Why it was showing me this?
It said Because you are awake
I turned and I walked away. I think the worst part is it let me. I didn’t try to stop me. The shere apathy of the creature, the thing. Then as I headed back on to North Street I saw that pool of light again and in it, it was almost too difficult to believe, I saw me.
I don’t know if I became it or it became a part of me or it is me. But no matter how busy the streets are or how crowded an area is, all I see is…
DESOLATION
I hoped you enjoyed this I will be posting Short Stories every now and then. Sorry for the absence life has been super stressful but we should be back to our regularly scheduled fuckery. Also don't forget to check out my Patreon.
Comments